


Five Things the Avengers Teach Thor About Christmas

by Seascribe



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Eggnog, Gen, Team Gen - Freeform, gift-giving, tacky christmas sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 19:38:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seascribe/pseuds/Seascribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This feast is a most important holiday for Midgardians," Thor says. "It is the subject of many movies and songs! I wish to know more about it, so that I may better understand your culture, my friends!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things the Avengers Teach Thor About Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a gift for Tracy7307. Thanks to Albiona for getting it started.

"This feast is a most important holiday for Midgardians," Thor says. "It is the subject of many movies and songs! I wish to know more about it, so that I may better understand your culture, my friends!"  
  
 **1\. peace on earth and good will towards men**  
  
"It's a time to be with your loved ones," Captain Rogers explains. "And to celebrate the birth of Jesus."  
  
Thor nods sagely. He knows of this Jesus of Nazareth and thinks it would be a fine thing to meet him personally, although he is told that this is impossible. The ways of Midgardians and their gods--their other gods--are strange, and Thor has learned it is better to be polite and refrain from commenting on it.  
  
"Tell me more about these celebrations," Thor says.  
  
"We, uh, well, my mother would always cook something nice, and we'd go to midnight Mass. And the Commandos, we might get something special, extra rations or cigarettes, something like that. We'd sing or tell stories, write to our girls back home." Captain Rogers shrugs. "It's just--it's a special time of year. Doesn't matter what you're doing, it's just something you--feel."  
  
Thor does not really understand, but he thanks the Captain anyway.  
  
 **2\. ye who now will bless the poor**  
  
"I haven't really had time for much celebrating Christmas the last few years," Dr Banner says, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's a good time for charities, though. Everyone wants to give at Christmas."  
  
"I have seen the alms-seekers with their bells and red kettles on the street," Thor confirms.  
  
"The wh--oh. The Salvation Army might not be the best example, but yeah, things like that. There's a local low-cost clinic I volunteer with, and Cap goes down to the soup kitchen. Tony donates obscene amounts of money."  
  
Thor has neither obscene amounts of Midgardian currency nor the skills of healing. He is not at all sure that he likes the idea of serving food, like some common kitchen thrall--he is, after all, a Prince of Asgard!--but the Captain is a mighty warrior and a man of great honour, and if he does not find such work demeaning, then perhaps Thor should not be so quick to dismiss the notion. But perhaps Tony or Hawkeye or the Lady Natasha will know of some Christmas rituals that he can celebrate that are a little more exciting.  
  
 **3\. have a cup of cheer**  
  
"Eggnog," Clint says. "Christmas is about eggnog. Natasha makes the best."  
  
"I do," Natasha agrees. Thor is most excited to try this unfamiliar Midgardian beverage.  
  
"I have no doubt that it is the finest eggnog in Midgard," Thor says, slamming his mug down on the table for another. It is indeed delicious, but Midgardian alcohol has very little effect on him. He pours a little Asgardian mead into the pitcher and the resulting beverage is truly one worthy of praise.  
  
*  
  
"Oh my god," the Lady Pepper says. "What _happened_?" Thor squints at her tall, spiky shoes planted a few inches from his face.  
  
"Thor spiked the--hic!--eggnog," the Man of Iron says from somewhere across the room. "It was--amazing."  
  
"Oh my god," Pepper says again, and Thor watches her shiny shoes spin around and stride off. He realises belatedly that he should have offered her some of the eggnog, but he has lost track of the pitcher, and although he tries very hard to lift his head to look for it, he has remarkably little success. Ah, well. They will make more, and he will make amends for his rudeness then.  
  
 **4\. just look at that pile, you can hardly see the tree**  
  
"Steve will try to tell you that money can't buy happiness," Tony tells Thor. "But he's lying." He pulls out a shiny black card, which Thor knows to be a form of Midgardian currency. "Here, take this. Celebrate Christmas the American way. Get something nice and expensive for Jane. Maybe a supercomputer."  
  
Thor thanks him, but he does not know anything about supercomputers, so he buys Jane a box of chocolates and a fetching red sweater that is as soft as her hair. It takes him a long time to find it, but he considers the effort well worthwhile.  
  
 **5\. don we now our gay apparel**  
  
"You have to wear it!" Darcy cries. "It is a custom of my people!" She brandishes the sweater at him, and the attached little bells jingle merrily.  
  
And it is true, Thor has seen such sweaters with their chaotic designs and improbable colours. Mostly on the television, which Tony has told him does not always speak the truth, but Darcy herself is wearing a similar sweater, complete with sparkling snowflakes and a distressed looking caribou.  
  
"Very well, friend Darcy," Thor says. "I shall participate in this hallowed tradition of the tacky Christmas sweater."  
  
*  
  
Clint makes a choking noise. "Thor, what are you _wearing_?"  
  
Thor spreads his arms to show off the sweater to its full effect. "Fear not, Hawkeye! The Lady Darcy and I have brought enough tacky Christmas sweaters that all of you may have one for your own!"

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Five Things the Avengers Teach Thor About Christmas](https://archiveofourown.org/works/605972) by [majoline](https://archiveofourown.org/users/majoline/pseuds/majoline)




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